I came across this the other day and found it somewhat humorous.

You might be a United Methodist if…

1. “Coffee hour” literally takes an hour…and lots of times more.
2. No one has to say that there will be food at a church function—it’s just a given.
3. No one has to discuss who’s bringing what dish to that function—it’s been figured out for years.
4. People are thrown into a panic if the coffee and donuts aren’t out by the time church lets out.
5. You, your brother(s), your sister(s), your significant other, your parents, and your children (if you’re a parent) are all on different committees in the church and none of you remember how you got there.
6. Joys and Concerns are a focal point of the service.
7. The Charge Conference is brought up during Joys and Concerns and no one is confused (except maybe the two-year-olds, but they’ll soon know).
8. You think God’s presence is strongest in the back 3 pews.
9. The word “fellowship” immediately has you running into your kitchen to make your famous potluck dish.
10. You accept the fact that the hymn, “O For a thousand tongues to sing” has almost as many stanzas as tongues.
11. You forgive trespasses, not debts.
12. You think you have to have a potluck dish to get into heaven.
13. You have never sung the third verse from any hymn.
14. You think someone who says “amen” while the pastor is preaching might be a charismatic.
15. There’s at least one person in every church meeting who say, “But we’ve never done it that way before”.
16. You hold friendly competitions to see which table goes first at the church meal.
17. You walk into church on Sunday morning and someone is sitting in your pew and you feel uncomfortable sitting somewhere else.
18. Instead of indigestion, your heart is strangely warmed.
19. You need a committee to start a committee.
20. When the pastor hits the 61 minute mark the congregation begins to look at their watches and cough.
21. “Street cred” is measured by what percentage of apportionments your church pays each year.
22. If you’re watching Star Wars and someone says “May the force be with you”, you automatically respond “and also with you”.
23. You know what the Cross and Flame means.
24. You have more than three items in your possession with the Cross and Flame on them.
25. You dress to coordinate with the liturgical colors.
26. You think John Wesley was a snappy dresser.
27. You are dismayed that NRSV Bibles are hard to find in run-of-the-mill Christian bookstores.
28. You read excerpts from the Book of Discipline before going to sleep.
29. Someone raises their hand in praise during church and the pastor asks if they have a question.
30. You know where the word “Cokesbury” came from.
31. Your favorite online shopping spot is Cokesbury.
32. You understand more of what happens “behind the scenes” than you do in the service.
33. You look at anyone who doesn’t know exactly when to sit down or stand up with suspicion.
34. Your pastor actually has a sense of humor.
35. You wonder if your pastor has ever written more than one Christmas Eve sermon.
36. You know what to reply to: “This is the word of God for the people of God”.
37. You have more T-shirts with work camp logos than sports teams.
38. You know why, after communion, all the small kids run to the kitchen (and some adults too).
39. You sit while singing “Stand Up, Stand Up for Jesus”.
40. You’d rather be branded with a hot iron than serve on the Nominating Committee.
41. You’ve ever sipped Welch’s grape juice out of a plastic shot glass during Communion.
42. You realize that sprinkling, pouring and immersing are not ways of seasoning food.
43. You’re asked to donate money to a “special offering” every other Sunday.
44. You pour over the Conference Journal with the same intensity you would read a John Grisham novel.
45. You have to fight through a cadre of “designated greeters” to get into the sanctuary.