Death

It isn’t a glamorous topic for most, but the death of a loved one brings up all kinds of uncomfortable situations. As a congregation that has many long-lived members, one thing the church would like to do is to give you tools to make some of those uncomfortable situations a little bit easier.

Family caregivers are responsible for handling many challenging tasks, such as stepping in to manage a loved one’s finances and discussing long-term care options. Another common duty is discussing final arrangements for a loved one and seeing them through. That isn’t easy though.

It is estimated that 89 percent of adults age 40 and older feel that a discussion about end-of-life wishes would be meaningful. However, only 46 percent have actually spoken with family and friends about how they want to be remembered. Talking about this subject early on allows everyone involved to be more comfortable and confident before, during, and after a loved one’s passing. Planning a funeral or memorial at the time of need without valuable guidance can be a stressful experience as emotions run high and important decisions loom. Avoid postponing this conversation, and talk to your loved ones. Here are some ways to get started that are a bit unconventional:

• Work it into a conversation. When your cousin is again given a roof for the evening by the sheriff’s department after a drunken brawl, mention to your dad that you’re thinking of marking that cousin off your list of pallbearers, and then ask your dad if he has a list of pallbearers.
• Mention it in passing. After a church service where Be Thou, My Vision is played, ask your mother if it is okay to play that at her funeral or if there are other songs she would prefer. (If you were a particularly unruly teenager, you don’t have to wait for a church service. While riding in the car with your mother, catch Stairway to Heaven on XM Radio and then ask her that question!)
• Make is a shared experience. Take your dad to the funeral home when you go to pick out your casket.

(The life expectancy of the individual who uses any of these suggested methods might be called into question. Please also realize that approaching this topic with a bit of humor can help.)

The whole reason for having these conversations is because death is a certainty, but for Christians, it isn’t an unpleasant one. The planning of your funeral shouldn’t be either. Your loved ones should be able to grieve without all the additional headaches. We’ve all lost loved ones, and if you can help by not having anyone second guessing about a song selection or Scripture passage, you should probably go ahead and do that. We have a simple tool to help get you started too, aside from the ridiculous suggestions above. Feel free to access this file and make notes to share with your loved ones.